Sleepless in Colorado

In the back of my mind lie all the trash, debris, and the thoughts that haven’t been processed or recycled. It gathers like dust bunnies in corners unnoticed, that is until I try to go to sleep at night and it all comes out to haunt me.

One thing I know about myself is that when I am stressed I don't sleep well, and when I don't sleep well I get cranky. It seems that lately I have not been getting my fair share of shut-eye at night and it is starting to upset the balance of the scales in my life. The stress is something that I am working on, but it seems the more attention I give to resolving it, the worse it becomes. Thus the vicious cycle of sleepless nights and exhausted days continues. All work and no sleep makes Amber a dull girl!

Sleeplessness is usually associated with emotional or mental tension, anxiety, depression, work problems, financial stress or unsatisfactory sex life. While insomnia is not usually related to any physical illness there are exceptions. (www.paralumun.com/sleeplessness)

I have tried many different techniques to resolve my sleeplessness. From young childhood when I would struggle to sleep, my mom would tell me to "read a book". From then on whenever I couldn't sleep, I would stay up the entire night reading and not feel tired until the sun came up. Perhaps my love of horror novels were scaring me sleepless, but since then, reading just doesn't seem to do the trick. Reading is just the tip of the iceberg for unsuccessful methods I've tried.

I have tried counting sheep. I visualize a little fence in a peaceful, grassy pasture, and just as I am feeling calm and ready to begin counting, suddenly a huge horde of sheep bombard the fence so quickly they practically knock the fence down. I find myself overwhelmed with thousands of sheep to count and become so frustrated I have to start the whole process over again. I try to force the sheep to slow down, and can maybe get one or two to jump over the fence individually, but then they all get overly excited again and I am practically mowed down by their frenzy. I wonder if other people experience this when they count sheep - or maybe the opposite happens and they can't even get their sheep to show up. I wonder...

I have been told that a cause for sleeplessness is too much brain activity, or "mental tension". It is important to get all of your thoughts out of your head and "let them go" so that you and your brain can go to sleep. The method for this is to write your thoughts down before you go to bed so you don't feel like you have to remember them or think about them again until morning. I have tried this and it does have some effect on eliminating the "I'm afraid I am going to forget something" thoughts, but when it comes to trying to resolve an issue, it doesn't seem to help much. I will keep getting up and writing every few minutes because as soon as I write down one thought, my brain leaps to 3 others. I just can't keep up. (Sounds a little like the sheep issue).

The list could go on and on from setting a "regular sleep routine", going to bed at the same time every night, listening to soft music, working out regularly, avoiding caffeine, yoga, abstaining from TV and internet before bed, not eating a late meal, etc, etc, etc. Last night I tried something new which was suggested to me by a good friend. I down loaded a free pod cast on meditation from iTunes. The podcast I chose was titled "Meditation Chill" and it was honestly very relaxing. After 5 minutes of fiddling with the volume, adjusting the location of my lap top near the bed and facing the display so the light from it wouldn't disturb me, I do think it helped me to fall asleep.

Alas, at 4:11 am this morning, after only 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep, my eyes popped open and I was wide awake! The first thing in my mind was the exact same stressful thoughts that were keeping me awake last night. I should be going to the gym so that I can rid myself of some of this anxiety, but my body is just so lethargic.

Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking. ~Clifton Fadiman